SAN PEDRO . LOVE

I sat down, feeling the medicine circling in my stomach. It was too fresh to fully take effect, but undeniably present.

It was my first time connecting to this plant, and I was preparing for a deep and intense journey. I was ready and grateful for the opportunity to embark on this journey in the beautiful Andes of Ecuador, where San Pedro is native and grows all around.

We took the medicine in a ceremony, spoke our prayer, drew the ritual tobacco water, and started a fire with our intentions. After drinking the medicine together, we spread out, and everyone began their own journey.

I went to the mats that our Shaman had laid on the ground for us, along with some pillows and hammocks.

Closing my eyes, I prepared to meditate and journey within.

I felt the warm breeze on my skin, heard the river behind me, calming me with its sounds. I felt safe and allowed myself to sink deeper and deeper. Far within, I found myself in the familiar area where my soul tree grows. I had visited this place many times during meditation journeys before. It is the space where I have access to my soul, my guides, and spirits.

But this time, it looked different. There wasn’t just one tree as usual—there were four.

The Faun emerged from behind my soul tree, the only tree I already knew. He had shown up some time ago, introducing himself as my guide and the gardener of the soul tree and its area. We've had beautiful conversations, and I'm always happy to see him.

“What happened?” I asked. “Why are there other trees?”

“These, my little angel,” he replied, “are portals to your past, your future, and your present.”

He gestured to the trees around us.

“So, I can enter and travel through time?” I wondered aloud.

“Yes, my dear. Just go ahead. Try it.” He smiled warmly and glanced at the tree of my past.

I rolled my shoulders back and walked toward the majestic tree to my left. It was beautiful. Like my soul tree, its bark shimmered, revealing a portal—larger than myself and inviting me to enter.

I stepped through it and suddenly found myself immersed in long-forgotten childhood memories.

Deeply touched, I watched the scenes that were shown to me. It was beautiful to witness the ease and lightness I had embodied as a child. One memory showed me standing in a field of flowers. I remembered that field—it was in a park behind our family home.

I stood there, laughing, marveling at the wonders around me. Butterflies danced around me as I spun in circles, ran, jumped, and reveled in the moment.

There was nothing but presence—pure joy and love for existence itself.

The memories shifted quickly. I saw myself in school, then performing in a theater play, and on to more moments, each one offering just a spark, a hint of emotion, a glimpse into those times.

I saw myself becoming more serious, sobered, and crushed by the burdens of life. Responsibility weighed on my shoulders, and I lost the lightness and innocence I had embodied so strongly as a child.

Realizing that, suddenly, I was back in the area of the four trees.

“Wow. Thank you, Faun,” I said.

“You don’t need to thank me, dearest,” he replied. “I’m just the gardener here. This is all you.”

I smiled at him, feeling deep love and gratitude for this earthy creature, god and protector of the forest and fields, who tends and protects my soul garden.

I wanted to approach the tree of the future next, but I found myself unable to take a step toward it. Somehow, I couldn't get any closer.

“What’s happening?” I asked. “I want to see my future. You know how curious I am.”

He chuckled. “Oh, yes. And I also know how impatient you are. It seems like it’s not the right time yet.”

I pouted but turned back and directed myself toward the tree of the present.

It was calling me—I could hear sounds emanating from its core. Warm waves and rhythms of love. I stepped closer, drawn to its bark and the hidden portal within.

The moment I touched the portal, I felt a cold, wet sensation on my nose. My eyes flew open, and I found myself staring into the shaman dog’s eyes.

He licked my nose once more and then walked away. I laughed, shook my head, and stood up.

“Well, I guess present it is.”

I walked toward the beautiful, clear river where the male and female rivers meet and merge as one—a magical place for such a ritual. The others who had taken the medicine with me were scattered around, enjoying the water or resting on the ground. Some gathered in a small group, singing and drumming.

I smiled at them before finding a quiet creek in the riverbed where I could be alone.

The medicine had settled more deeply now. I felt it like a prickling sensation right under my skin, as if something wanted to break free. I lay down, half in the water and half on the ground, and allowed myself to let go and surrender to this beautiful sensation that took over my body. I could feel the warm sun on my skin and the cold water creating a contrast.

I could do nothing but enjoy and feel. I was present—fully and completely present.

And present I remained as San Pedro began to reach my heart and mind.

They say the medicine comes in waves—seven, if you’re not too high to count. Well, let me tell you, I was far too high to count. For me, it was a beautiful stream of emotions and freedom. I expected a deep and intense journey, where I would be confronted with all the shadows and given topics to work on. But San Pedro gave me joy, sweet innocence, and pure, pure love.

Before we began, I had set my intention for the medicine: I asked it to open me, teach me, and free me. And that’s exactly what it did.

They say San Pedro is the spirit of an old grandfather—wise, patient, and loving. For me, though, it felt like the spirit of a playful young boy, inviting me to join him in his games.

He felt like a warm hug, radiating nothing but love and comfort.

As I lay there, half in the water and half on the earth, thoughts began to arise in my mind. At first, I thought they were my own, but then I realized they weren’t. I understood my own and the universal belief system and heard them shifting, taking on the voices of my father, my mother, my friends, and others. Whispers filled my ears—beliefs that weren’t truly mine—I had just adopted them along the way.

But there was no judgment or negativity. I simply noticed them, listened to them, and then decided that I didn’t need them anymore.

One by one, I let them go. I sent them back to where they came from. Slowly, the whispers faded, and my mind grew quiet once again.

I sat up, wanting to stretch my body and reach the sun.

But something heavy weighed on my shoulders, a burden I couldn’t shake off.

As I focused on the weight, I became aware of all the responsibility I had been carrying—responsibilities that were never truly mine, far too much for my young age. I remembered them from the vision the tree of my present showed me earlier.

Confused about what to do, I dug my hands into the sand beneath me.

There, buried in the earth, was a stone. It called to me, urging me to pick it up.

“Give it to me,” a voice said gently. “I can take it. Let me transform it for you. You are allowed to be free. Just let it flow into the stone, into me, and I’ll take care of it.”

It was Mother Nature herself.

“Thank you,” I whispered, full of gratitude, and I began to pour it all into the stone—the heaviness, the pressure, the expectations, the responsibilities that weren’t mine but that I had carried for so long.

I felt it all flow out of me and into the stone. And when I was free, I buried the stone deep in the sand, offering it back to the earth where she could transform it.

Placing a hand on my heart, I bowed in gratitude.

For the first time in forever, I stood up feeling truly light—lighter than I had ever felt before. A wide smile spread across my face, and my heart swelled with love.

I looked around and was overwhelmed by the beauty I saw—the shimmering water, the vibrant green leaves, the rough stones guiding the river’s waves. It was breathtaking.

I stepped into the soft gray sand of the riverbed, knelt down, and covered myself in mud. I surrendered completely to the beauty and magic of nature. There was no separation anymore—everything was one, and I was part of it all.

Butterflies fluttered around me, the sun shone warmly on my mud-covered shoulders, and I sat in the sand, bursting with happiness.

San Pedro laughed with me, sharing in my joy.

Then I moved to the water, submerging myself in its refreshing, crystalline coolness. And as I became one with the water, I felt its wisdom—the clarity, the cleansing, the awakening it carried. I let myself surrender to that feeling, became the water, the fluidity, and understood the magic of following the flow of life.

Emerging from the river, I felt the wind caress my skin, bringing a gentle new energy with it and caressing me like a greeting, as if it were glad about my awakening. I greeted it back, smiling, and enjoyed the lightness of the wind. I made my way to a sun-warmed stone and lay down.

There were no thoughts left—only presence. Pure presence filled my being. Nothing mattered anymore. It was just me, the beauty around me, and the love that now flowed freely through every cell of my body and out into the world.

Filled with endless joy, I couldn’t help but rise and play again.

A friend of mine that I recognized came by and accepted my invitation to join in the fun. We laughed, shouted, and played together for a while—immersing ourselves in the elements and fully being one with everything.

My heart felt wide open, reconnecting me with a universal love I’ve always known was there.

I became aware of a deep quality within myself—the ability to love unconditionally, with all my heart and all my being. Just like every single soul has. Because that’s the core of us all. I realized the beauty and gift of seeing into a person’s soul, of recognizing the light and potential within them, even when they couldn’t see it themselves.

I was so full of love that I wanted to share it with everyone. I wanted to scream it out into the world, knowing that my love was enough for every single being out there.

I returned to the ceremonial group, where people sat on mats, singing and playing instruments. I hugged some of them, then curled up on the ground, simply grateful to be.

We sang together, rising high on the frequencies the medicine took us.

Time was a far-off concept, but as it reached us to end the ceremony, I felt nothing but gratitude.

San Pedro had opened my heart.

He had taught me about love, ease, and joy. He had freed me, bringing me back to the innocence I knew as a child—the raw emotion and presence that fill a single moment completely.

I realized I didn’t have to be anything.

I didn’t have to act a certain way, speak a certain way, or meet any expectations. I was enough, just as I was—pure, authentic, and whole. And that is what I become just by letting go, by loving, and by living.

I just need to let go. It is already there.

There was nothing to do but simply be in the present moment, as nothing else held any importance. It was just me, the beauty surrounding me, and the love now flowing effortlessly through me—from my heart into the world.

San Pedro made me a gift that I will from now on carry in the depths of my heart.

Thank you, dear spirit, for opening me, teaching me, and freeing me.